Do you ever
feel so worry about your “love story” then suddenly you’re became so
“melancholic”?
One simple question that I’m asks on myself,
(almost) everyday.
The funny thing is when I
already answer it, when the question comes up again ... I forget what my answer
was. Then, I became another “melancholic” again and again. And again.
Shit
But today, little bit difference.
I’m asking it again but without get in
into “galau moment”. Maybe I just getting bored and finally I found the clarity.
It begins when I go to my
Instagram and scroll over my Instagram-page and watch my junior at high school became
more beautiful than the day before. I’m a single – Read INA: Jomblo – and I see
that ... She’s the one. I always do “the thing” when meet with a very beautiful
girl. Always. So it means that I’m thinking that every beautiful girl that I
ever met is the one. So, actually, there is no “the one”. (I just don’t know
what I say)
Usually, the moment when I saw
this kind of girl makes me worry and my head just start over thinking, and
think about something that should never thinking about. Yeah, love drives me
crazy and stupid but, not for today.
I don’t know how, but
instinctively, I just start don’t care about it. I just take it as a reality.
I always worry about my appropriateness
for her. I keep thinking that I never deserve for people like all of them. I kept
saying to myself that she never be mine.
But then ...
Who cares?
I just figure it out that ...
If I still think like that, I would never be
like who I should.
Why? It’s because “they” are
always try to be what they believe, they dream, and they should.
And me? I’m just blaming
myself for all of the weakness and my inability. Does this thing make me
change?
No, indeed not.
That’s why I could never reach
them.
So,
Why am I not start to think
about myself first then worried about them? Worrying about my inappropriateness
and my inability.
And start trying.
So that we can be even.
I don’t know, are you really
my mate or not. At least, I forced myself to be better than I before.
And,
Even though I fail,
I am failed to succeed than
fail successfully.
